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How to… Get Rid of Toxic Friends

get rid of toxic friendsWhether it’s at your workplace, in your family, your neighbors or school friends, toxic friendships are no fun, and at the end of the day, life is too short to be spending it with people who wear you out and/or don’t treat you right.

Identifying the Toxic Friend

To get rid of a toxic friend, the first is to identify a toxic friend. And to do that, it’s simply to see how they make you feel. If you feel just one of the points below, it’s safe to say you have a toxic friend in your life:

  • You feel ‘down’ after spending time with this person.
  • You feel anxious and/or afraid when you see their name pop up on the screen, notifying you of a text message, or an email, a Tweet, etc.
  • You feel tired, emotionally drained, defeated, frustrated and stressed out after meeting with this person.
  • You don’t feel comfortable or just have a “bad feeling” about this person. Trust your instincts, they are there for a reason.

Types of Toxic Friends

These are some of the many ‘types’ and characteristics a of toxic friend could have:

The Gossiper. She thrives on gossip, scandal and drama. She bad mouthes everyone and makes you think what she could be saying about you. You have probably met a lot of these people in high school!

The Wet Blanket/Victim. She only calls you when there is something wrong in her life. In fact, her life motto is ‘Woe is me.’ When it’s all good, you never hear from her. This friend takes you for granted and has appointed you as their personal therapist. You could be having a wonderful day and a phone call from her can bring you down and completely wear you out.




The Envious One. Let’s be very honest – girls are very catty, and most of it steams from insecurity. This is the friend that very subtly criticizes you, makes everything a competition, and even sounds happy when you are having a bad day.

The User. A person who has identified that you have/know something that they want. Whether it is for them to further their career, or as simple as you have a hot brother and she wants to get with him! Either way, this person is just using you for their own benefit and provide absolutely nothing to your life.

Obviously there are many more but I wrote these ones as these are the friends I have been dealing with! Basically, to identify a toxic friend, it is how you feel about them.

How to… Get Rid of Toxic Friendships

There is a quote I read many, many years ago and I use it to kinda “gauge” what I am willing to put up with in a friendship, which is to treat it like a romantic relationship. Ask yourself: If this were a partner, would you put up with their behavior?

Sure, we all have our ups and downs, but if your toxic friend is behaving in a way that if a boyfriend did, would you still stay with him? If the answer is no, then you you might want to do the following:

  1. Start setting boundaries. The first thing you can try is to set some boundaries. You have to start saying no. Whatever your situation may be, it can usually be helped by putting your foot down with certain things.
  2. Talk to them. If setting up some boundaries doesn’t work, it’s time for a choice: you either need to end this friendship, or give it one last try. Meet up with your friend, and share your feelings. Or write an email if that’s easier. If they listen and take into consideration what you’re saying, then great! However, if they become defensive, blame it on you, start a fight, etc… that’s when you need to end that friendship. Do not continue to answer their calls or entertain any other form of communication after you’ve made it clear you are walking out of the friendship.
  3. Slowly drift away. During your lifetime you’ll have many friendships come and go; and some just drift away and run its course. That’s OK; not everyone is meant to be BFFs4Ever. These usually happen naturally, but if you want to get rid of a friend this is also an option – all you need to do is slowly “drift away”. It’s very easy: just start getting busy. Very busy. Focus on your true friendships and stay busy with those friends, and you’ll have no time for the toxic ones! If they ask, just keep telling them you’re busy and can’t meet up, etc. They’ll get the message. (Eventually.)
  4. Pull a Houdini. This is for the really toxic friends – abusers, users, or friends that you’ve found out are involved in illegal or other wrong activities, or people you just get that “bad feeling” about. If a relationship is at the point where it’s damaging, you need to get out – just disappeared. Stop hanging out at those places. Change your cell phone number. Poof, gone! Just like Houdini.

At the end of the day, there’s really no nice way to end a friendship. It’s always sad when something ends. If the person/people you are having a problem with are truly your friend(s), it’s best to talk to them; they deserve that. But if it’s just an acquaintance who’s annoying you, simply try to slowly drift away and everyone will move on. If it’s really, really bad, then get up and leave, no excuses.

Some books that may help you:

By the way, this needs to be said: Don’t be a toxic friend yourself!

We all do it sometimes. Life is a learning process though, and friendship is a two-way street, so try your best to be a good friend yourself, and have friendships with people who you feel are honest, right, and who you’re happy knowing. When you do meet these special people, cherish them and make sure to work on being a great friend as well.

x

Renee




Michael

I have a toxic friend in my life. Every time I talk to her I just feel drained and depressed. She just repeats a cycle of the same emotionally draining things over and over. I try to stay positive and help her but there is only so much I can take. I do not want to dread talking to someone who is supposed to be my best friend. I want to end this toxic relationship but I am honestly still concerned for her. She thinks that everyone hates her and that I am the only person that can tolerate her. I am worried that if I try to end this friendship she will become very depressed and may even hurt herself. I still care about her but I can not take the drama and depressing phone calls anymore. I do not know what to do!

Renee

Hey Michael – yikes, that’s a really tough situation and I am sorry you have to go through it. I wonder if you can help her seek help – be it a doctor, a counsellor or someone close to her (a family member?) that you can tell them what’s going on; and then you can let yourself out of this relationship. Like I just told Barista above, sometimes people only “wake up” when you leave them… I know a person in my life who only “changed” when he realized what a monster he was being and everyone abandoned him. However as you said, your friend might harm yourself in which case you would need outside help, it doesn’t sound like something you can handle yourself, nor should you.

Also an idea for now could be to change your phone number.

Anon

I know this is super late but i know how you feel. I’m going threw what you went threw. I have reached the point were now i hate her. I don’t know what to do. I cutted all the contact with her yet she finds a way to come into my life and ruin it!!

Bratista

I got rid of my toxic friend today, but I feel depressed about it. It just got to the point where we have been friends for years and really close, but she is too much. I have tried to help her and be there for her as much as possible, but she is self destructive and has a tendency to lie…a lot.
To top it off, she called me untrustworthy which really hurt after all I have done for her (and no, I didn’t blab her secrets like she accused me of).
So I decided enough is enough, but I’m sad about it. Is this normal? I know she will just get worse, but we’ve been through a lot. 🙁

Brice

Yes, (I love your handle) it is normal to feel sad about it. When you spend time with someone you create a bond. Even when things go bad that bond is still there. Memories, feelings, all those emotions. They take a while to go away. When you feel sad just tell yourself why you made the decision. That this person attacked you. This person does not care about your feelings. It will get better from here.

Bratista

Thanks, it’s good to know that I can grow past this.

Renee

Hey – sorry for some reason I didn’t see your comment until I saw you had a reply to it. I usually reply all comments the best I can.

Like Brice said, it’s totally normal to feel sad about it. Like all relationship breakups, it will take time to move on. You know, sometimes you can actually help people “wake up” by telling them enough is enough and then letting them go. She may start thinking about her behavior now and change… who knows. But I commend you for taking a stand for yourself, take care!

Brice

I have a neighbor that I’ve known for over five years. For the first 1/2 year or so we were good friends and eventually dated. However, after meeting new friends (she moved from out of town) she began sharing less time with me while I could see she was having these people over. I tried getting a straight answer to what was going on and what she wanted but she continued to act as if everything was ok and I was the one with an issue. After refusing to contort myself to match her schedule when she wanted to be together she suddenly shows up dating someone else without even telling me. Even with trying to be a decent friend and neighbor I found this person to be selfish and a liar. I finally replied to a text from her that I no longer wanted to talk to her. She still attempted to hook up with me over the years, even behind the backs of her boyfriends. Even my refusals didn’t seem to matter to her. I finally left a note on her current boyfriend’s car about it and explained her attempts to sleep with me and ongoing harassment. I felt bad for doing so but after a brief phone conversation with him I received a text from her stating she wouldn’t ever be calling me again or attempting to talk to me. I feel bad it played out this way but liars are liars and they won’t change.

Renee

Good for you, Brice. I am happy you finally got this toxic person out of your life.

Brice

Thank you Renee. As I stated previously, it is a difficult situation to deal with as a neighbor.

CA K

Hi renee i wanted some advice:so sometime ago i was friends with this girl who was somewhat supportive to me when i was going through a rough patch (depression).However, i decided to take a trip abroad to america i bounced back and came out of the 2 yr depression.When i was in America i got veneers and was happy with the result. I arrived back home to meet the friend who was there for me. I was cheery and happy for the first time in a long time. life was good i as i was going to my last year of college. The first thing she said to me is what have you done to your teeth you look like a old woman. The criticism became more and more harsher. I decided to wear clip in extensions as my hair was cut short and she would say your hair looks ratty and i would tell her i like my hair and she would say well its my opinion im entitled to it. I wish the criticism would stop there. But it continued she slapped me on the face one time as i was being bubbly and she didnt like it. she said to me calm down!. When i wore hoop earrings she would say i looked slutty. i pronounce homous as khoumous and she would laugh in front of people and say to me repeat it in front of her friends. She use to keep adjusting my speech. Words like mountain and fountain. ” no say it! fooountin and mooountin”. She would laugh in hysterics. One time she got a pair of scissors and said “let me cut your extensions because they look ratty and thin” as she looked in disgust. So she chopped it and ruined it.She would make fun of my choice of music and say that song it shit! and my style say you always wear the same type of clothes you would look better if you dressed like her. Im a very reserved and introvert person who likes to have a few good friends and im happy about that. But she was the type who was an extrovert, popularity is everything to her. So she would say “you are going to end up lonely”. She even criticised the way my parents gave me a 12 o’clock curfew. Complaining how my parents cotton wool me.She would interfere in my love life telling me i should not go to my then bfs area, She would always ask about every detail in my life. I was very caring to this girl as i really genuinely cared for her. Everytime i use to go on holiday i would bring gifts back. Every birthday i would take her out and buy her gifts. This is not important but everytime my birthday came round she would say oh i bought you a dress but i took it back. I dont mind if she couldnt buy but everytime we use to go out she would go search for presents for her friends she would also say to me i gave £50 to my friend for her birthday. When her friends were around i wouldnt talk about my personal problems like her freinds did so i got yelled at by my friend “why dont you tell your story to my friends” She was angry at me.My question is did i do the right thing to walk away from this friendship?

Renee

You absolutely, 100% did the right thing, CA. That person doesn’t sound like a friend at all, and actually sounds abusive. I am so proud of you for the strength to walk away from that really, really toxic friendship! How do you feel?

CA K

Thankyou so much renee for your care and support. I cannot tell you how much you made me feel better. I confided in a friend about this and all the thins dhe was doing but she told that girl everything. So naturally we parted ways. She wa furious an said i needed to seek psychological help claiming she was trying to protect me.She tried to make amends with me but i walked away from the friendship permanantly. I was hurt for a long time. She use to listen to my personal problems. But these comments really use to hurt. I feel like an indiidual now. Like i can be myself. She was taking my identity away.

The Pantsless Bear

Toxic friends are all about, particularly when you become single. That’s often when they show their true colous. We actually wrote some tips about spotting toxic friends a few months back at: How to identify your toxic friends. It’s worth a look. In short, if they’re bitter, don’t enjoy your successes, don’t like seeing you try new things and don’t like your friends they probably aren’t good for you.

CA K

Spot on

CA K

so sometime ago i was friends with this girl who was somewhat supportive to me when i was going through a rough patch (depression).However, i decided to take a trip abroad to america i bounced back and came out of the 2 yr depression.When i was in America i got veneers and was happy with the result. I arrived back home to meet the friend who was there for me. I was cheery and happy for the first time in a long time. life was good i as i was going to my last year of college. The first thing she said to me is what have you done to your teeth you look like a old woman. The criticism became more and more harsher. I decided to wear clip in extensions as my hair was cut short and she would say your hair looks ratty and i would tell her i like my hair and she would say well its my opinion im entitled to it. I wish the criticism would stop there. But it continued she slapped me on the face one time as i was being bubbly and she didnt like it. she said to me calm down!. When i wore hoop earrings she would say i looked slutty. i pronounce homous as khoumous and she would laugh in front of people and say to me repeat it in front of her friends. She use to keep adjusting my speech. Words like mountain and fountain. ” no say it! fooountin and mooountin”. She would laugh in hysterics. One time she got a pair of scissors and said “let me cut your extensions because they look ratty and thin” as she looked in disgust. So she chopped it and ruined it.She would make fun of my choice of music and say that song it shit! and my style say you always wear the same type of clothes you would look better if you dressed like her. Im a very reserved and introvert person who likes to have a few good friends and im happy about that. But she was the type who was an extrovert, popularity is everything to her. So she would say “you are going to end up lonely”. She even criticised the way my parents gave me a 12 o’clock curfew. Complaining how my parents cotton wool me.She would interfere in my love life telling me i should not go to my then bfs area, She would always ask about every detail in my life. I was very caring to this girl as i really genuinely cared for her. Everytime i use to go on holiday i would bring gifts back. Every birthday i would take her out and buy her gifts. This is not important but everytime my birthday came round she would say oh i bought you a dress but i took it back. I dont mind if she couldnt buy but everytime we use to go out she would go search for presents for her friends she would also say to me i gave £50 to my friend for her birthday. When her friends were around i wouldnt talk about my personal problems like her freinds did so i got yelled at by my friend “why dont you tell your story to my friends” She was angry at me.My question is did i do the right thing to walk away from this friendship?

Heather Ferreira

YES

Renee

This is not a “friend” at all. Good for you for walking away!

Amanda

Sounds like she was jealous and envied your life. The best thing you did was leave.

Gretta

I am not sure about my friend. She is supposed to be my best friend and at my school, we really only have each other. Every time I talk to her, she starts the conversation by complaining about something. “Last night was terrible”, “Everything sucks”, etc. She has a pretty decent life, but she’s really negative. She only sometimes talks about good things. When she gets all negative and down, I tell her to stay positive and think about the good things. But every time I say that she gets super offended, like I’m saying that her feelings aren’t valid. I’m just trying to be a good friend. Sometimes I feel like she wants to be sad. I can’t really have this negativity in my life, because I used to be a sad person and now I’m positive. I can’t have negativity in my life. But she’s my best friend and we share all of our friends, so I’m worried that I’ll be all alone and have no one. What do you think I should do??

Renee

Sorry to hear about your friend. :/ My suggestions are all above – I’d probably just slowly drift away from her, especially since you already tried talking to her.

Cutecupcakes

I have a friend just like that, she complains constantly and it’s tiring and frustrating. It’s been a month since I saw her (which was at school) She gets angry if me and her other friends aren’t in contact with her for a weekend yet we’ve heard nothing from her for a month. She also started hanging out with her horrible boyfriend 24/7 when they started going out a few months ago, and she blames us for the so called “pressure” in her life.

Erika

I’ve recently begun to think my friend is toxic. He’s been extremely manipulative lately, always bringing up his past friends and how they acted like me, or claiming something I enjoy/talk about/support makes him feel ‘ill’ and refuses to let me enjoy it even longer- and it’s dumb things, too, not even the important things. He judges everyone harshly and when I point that out he talks about how it offends his morals, which is fine, but then goes ahead to imply that those people are lesser than him because of it. He once called people who have premarital sex ‘abominations’ and I’m just like??? But whenever I say I need space or we disagree/argue, he ends up messaging me in the middle of the nice talking about how ‘he can’t do it anymore’ and ‘has nothing to live for’ and other suicidal implications. I don’t know what to do. We were great friends at first, but now that summer’s here and I’m getting busy with summer activities, he’s just gotten to the point that I can’t do anything but worry what he’s going to do next.

Renee

Sounds like he needs help, Erika. Suicidal tendencies is nothing to play around with – I would encourage you to encourage him to get professional help.

Amanda

I have a person like this and they have come obsessed with me so much if they can’t harass me they get their friends to do. They were abusing me by facebook which I had to close down because if I blocked them they make new accounts or get their friends to spy on everything I do. Its that bad I have to seek legal aid and also to make it worse they live right behind my neighbours. She basically wants to become me by coping everything I do and say, its like having a stalker.

Storia

Hi Renee! I’m so sorry if this is extremely long but I just have to pour it out.So it all started like this. I had 3 bffs and they were really good friends. I really enjoyed spending time with them and everything was great but after a few months two of my bffs kinda started being more close but I thought it wasn’t such big deal and also the third friend and me became more close . So it was all ok all 4 of us were still bffs it’s just that me and third friend talked more with each other and my 2 other friends were also closer with each other. But then me and third friend found out that the two other friends were talking trash behind our backs and one of them shared my secret. Something that I told her to not tell anyone. And that made me really angry and sad. So the two of us started drifting away and eventually things ended between us 4 . After that me and my friend , we got really close with each other. And she was the best friend I could’ve ever had . She was absolutely perfect. She was there for me , she was caring , she was fun and everything. But after a couple of months she slowly started changing. She wasn’t so nice she was starting to be rude. She would always make fun of me and embarrass me in front of other people but when I would joke with her and the jokes weren’t even close to the jokes she would say to me she would get pissed off and be mad at me. Once when I joked with her she got so mad at me that she stopped talking with me and I thought omg what did I do so I apologized like a dozen of times and told her that I didn’t mean it. It was really dumb because it was just a harmless little joke and she got pissed off from it. She would non stop talk how our two ex friends stabbed her in her back and how bad people they are I mean I was mad at them for a long time but I got over it they lived their own life and I lived my own life . She would get jealous and all. I tried talking to her for how I felt that she doesn’t appreciate me enough and all but she would just say in a harsh tone what is wrong with you!?! Stop talking nonsense!! And that really hurt me . I thought maybe there’s something wrong with me so I was even nicer to her but no it just kept getting worse for my side . She would drain me emotionally and physically. And all the signs for toxic friendship, all of them matched .In the start of our summer school break she asked me to do her a favor and it was a serious one it’s really long so I’ll just say that when I did that it was all I could have done And than in a friendly way I told her that it was all I could have done and that her parents should be the ones interested in this because it might end in you not getting accepted in any high school and again she got so pissed off she started yelling at me and I kept telling her that I do this because I care for her that this isn’t something that we’re able to solve and I just wanted to have a friendly serious conversation . But she kept yelling and I was shocked how can she say those things to me after all I have done for her after all the times I was there for her. So I was mad at her I didn’t call her I didn’t text her for a month nothing. And than I think two days ago she messaged me on fb I thought oh she’s probably gonna apologize but of course no she said : I can see how much you think of me . If I don’t message you you won’t even get a clue to do it. And that was it I couldn’t take it anymore. So I messaged her back saying: no you’re the one not thinking of me , by now you should’ve gotten a clue why it was like that why I didn’t message you but no I see I’m not that important. You won’t have to bother with me anymore. Bye 🙂 and I blocked her on fb . I felt that that was the right thing to do even if my hands were shaking and my heart was beating really fast . But than today she messaged me on fb through her boyfriends account saying that she pushed me away to see if I will come back and that was why she didn’t message me and she started yelling and saying that I disappointed her and stabbed her back and that I was like everyone else and a whole other hurtful things. Just like every single time she was putting the blame on me . I was in such a shock I read that to my two older sisters because they are the only friends I have even though they are my sisters and I wasn’t even finished when I started to cry my soul out. I asked them why am I always the guilty one ? Was it bad that I did this? But they comforted me and told me that I shouldn’t feel bad that I did the right thing. That helped me but I started crying again after. So I searched for toxic friendships on the Internet .Than I found your post and thank you it made me feel better but I still wanted to share my story and ask you Renee why do I feel guilty and sad when I did nothing wrong? Is it my fault? I’m not sure but we might go to the same high school from this September and I’m so scared from her because she was kinda violent and Im worried that she will bully me . I don’t think that she’ll go that far but I’m still scared from her . I’m so so so sorry for this being so long I hope you read it and tell me your opinion. ❤️❤️❤️

Renee

Hey Storia,

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry this has been going on with you. You’ve been through so much with your best friends and I’m giving you a big Internet hug right now! I am so proud of you, for having the courage to block this “friend” on Facebook. From what I gather, this person seems like she has a lot of personal issues right now. A best friend or even a random person shouldn’t make you feel that – manipulative, testing you, making you feel guilty over nothing, etc – this girl doesn’t sound like a friend at all. Like I said, this person seems like she has a lot of issues which is her not your fault at all. Stay strong – you did the right thing, keep ignoring her; especially since you say she is violent. If it gets bad at high school in Sept, please please please tell a teacher or something with authority at your school.

Friendships are tough in middle school/high school. My advice would be to be smart with your secrets and personal details, etc. Don’t tell your secrets to just anyone, keep it to people you really, really trust (like your family). And don’t worry about it being long, I read all of my readers comments (at least I try my very best to). I’m here for you! Let me know how it goes? Hope you feel better soon. xx

Dontwannasay

I would REALLY appreciate some advice.

we became instant friends 2 years ago. 8 months in I confronted her for consisnant “weird” behavior and she confessed that since she was 7 yes old she takes meds for depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, she’s also a germophobic, clostaphobic, and a cutter. She constantly reminds me that i am her only friend. She comes over and doesn’t leave for days sometimes weeks at a time. She always reminds me of how much I’ve helped her and she hasn’t cut since we met and she’s not depressed when she’s with me.
it has been hard to cope with all her emotions. She cuts when we argue and tho she doesn’t blame me it’s the only time she does it (it’s been twice) I’m scared it will go wrong one day. I feel depressed when she’s around and emotionally exhausted. I’ in my 30’s and a single mom. Dealing with her along with my own stresses is draining.
I don’t know what to do, we have talked about how I feel many times. I want to push her away but feel awful knowing I’m her only friend. But it’s starting to affect my kids as well lately.
How do I deal with telling her I want out and how do I deal with my guilty feelings knowing that she’ll cut or even worse attempt?
She sees therapists regularly, attends church and has a wonderful supporting family. So I cannot offer outside help. She does open up to me about her problems so I know she doesn’t bottle them inside. I feel there’s no excuse for cutting but I’m not in her shoes.
Any advise?

Renee

I’m so sorry this is happening – to you and your friend. Mental illness is not easy at all, and I am happy that your friend has a therapist, a church community and a great family. I hope that she will get better soon.

At this point I would have a conversation with her and tell her you would need to have a “break”, for the time being, as it’s affecting your kids. They are your #1 piority. Plus, it’s also affecting you, which is just as bad. Since she has people around her, I wouldn’t say you’re her only friend, so don’t feel guilty. Be honest with her. If she’s a real friend, she will understand.

Continue to pray for her – I will too – but take a big step back, for sure.

JY

Dear Renee ,

I had a close friend who was suffering from depression (as what she said ) . She’s currently studying abroad , and we keep in touch daily. However , she often sent me negative depressing messages , which honestly I don’t know how to reply (to help) with and felt quite uncomfortable receiving negative messages so frequent . I have advised her to meet counselors or therapist but she refused to. I have been receiving all these extremely negative messages from her very often , and when sometimes I can’t stand her , I would reply her that’s enough . But she would often ‘threatened’ me that she will cut herself or suicide when I tell her honestly I can’t afford to read her daily negative messages because it affects my mood and ruin my day as well and that I really did offer to advise her that meeting professionals would be better solution but she was stubborn. I honestly do not want to keep in touch with her anymore because I don’t want her to keep spamming me with all these negative messages which honestly is none of my business but just made me feel negative too. But I do not what should I do, clearly I find her toxic. Should I just ignore her ? (But I’m really scare of her suiciding) should I just bear with her negative messages forever ?

Renee

Hi JY,

Sorry to hear this too. I am very careful to respond to comments here as I do not know the full extent of the toxic friend’s problems, and I am not a professional either. My advice would be the same as the previous posters – you need to tell someone about this; do you know her siblings, or her mom or something? I can sympathize with people with depression (since I’ve experienced it), but at the same time, if she’s refusing to seek help and threatening suicide, what can you do? You sound like you’ve done a lot. So please try to contact someone of authority in her life that can help her out; and then yeah, if it were me, I’d start ignoring her messages. But that one is up to you.

Finally Free

I’ve finally cut off a toxic friend today. She used to on reach out to me when I could help her and was never there when I needed. I was going through some hard time earlier this year and hadn’t talked to her for a while. aWhen I saw her popped up on FB lately, naturally, I shared my life changing news with her. Her reaction was how horrible I was because I never reached out to her when her grandma passed away a while ago and she just started to saying nastying things. Honestly I had no idea that happened cause she never told me. But after a couple exchanges, I realized she was never a real friend. Fortunately we don’t have to see each other since we live in different cities. So I blocked her no. and on social media. I’m sad that I lost someone I used to share drinks and night-outs with. But I’m secretly glad I don’t have to deal with her anymore. 🙂 Thanks for a great post.

anonymous

I am working on letting go of a toxic friendship. I’ve been a victim of many of them; genuinely bad people are drawn to someone like me. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, and I’m very gullible, easy to manipulate. I’ve always known that about me, and yet I still fall for people’s crap. I’m slowly beginning to learn not to take crap from people, but it’s hard when you have a soft heart.

This friend and I have been friends since we were both very young. People always knew of us together, and for a time, she seemed to really enjoy having me around. Nowadays, we’re older, finding out our own lives, and she seems to have changed. Not change as in grow up, but she’s changed in that she’s become an annoyance in my life.

She is an easily envious person. She often finds ways to crap on my accomplishments or would give me a backhand compliment whenever she can find an opportunity. I don’t let them get to me as much as I did a year or so ago. What bothers me is that she thinks she can get away with this. She does this with not just me, either, after all. I don’t particularly appreciate it because I’m not somebody’s punching bag if they have problems with their self-esteem, which she appears to have. I’ve known her long enough to realize that’s what she’s acting out on.

It’s been an ongoing problem. I don’t know how to go about breaking it off, but like I said, I’m working on it. Like you said, there really IS no best way to break off any friendship. They always end ugly… but I’m hopeful that this one will be different. I don’t like having to put up with this sort of behavior because now I’ve found friends who treat me right and she’s not one of them. She’ll either one day realize where she’d been wrong or we’d just never speak to each other again.

I just want to leave it in peace.

I’m honestly sick of her stunts at this point.

Anonymous

I’m in a similar boat myself. Thank you for your comment.

T

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I always attract the wrong people for some reason. Its like I go around collecting all the dregs of society, save them all up to get one free!!. I reckon its because some people are just con artists who sadly seek out kind people who have a good listening ear, befriend them and then take what they can get. Ive recently got rid of a few people like this and it was a great thing. I have decided not to be so forthcoming or friendly and chatty as I usually am in future, as this attracts morons and idiots unfortunately. I just think people take advantage of others sometimes, its a nasty trait they have. Just fob your friend off and be very busy I reckon, then fade to black, you will get rid of them easily this way.Best of luck 🙂

Mudslinger

Finally told my toxic friends (a couple) to hit the road. Its very hard to do and there was no way to slowly ween these ppl off. Known him for 15yrs and her for 4. He is constantly asking for favors – borrowin money, items, whatever, its little things but it never ends. And when the guy doesnt need anythin from my wife and I, hes very rude, critical, insulting, nothing I have is good enough for him, makes fun of my music and anything else im interested in. Also never takes no for an answer, manipulative in every situation. Hardest thing about finally attempting to cut him loose is that hes been in and out of jail for assault charges most his life and i dont put it past him to do something stupid, hurting me or damaging my property. I have 3 young children and am tryin to better my life and cut out the negative aspects of my life. Just cant handle him or his shit anymore so i was brutally honest about how he makes me feel, stresses me out and told him i dont wanna hang out anymore. He was beyond pissed to say the least. Ive tried to explain my issues with him in the past but it goes in one ear and out the other, hes unapologetic and nothing he says or does is in the wrong. Then he’ll flip everything around and try to make me feel like the guilty one. Now i have zero friends but i have a great family. Friends are supposed to be respectful and supportive, not insulting and always trying to measure themselves up to you and try to bring you down. Im a peaceful guy and just want buddies to share the good things in life with but its very hard to find them. Good luck to all going through the same, its a difficult move.

T

Hi, I really liked reading your page today. Well 2.5 months ago I decided to get rid of a friend that was an opportunist / user, so I guess you could call them toxic. We had a friendship for about 6 years, but slowly I started to see that she was a person that just took what she could get from people. She would turn up and harp on about having no money,and get free lunches, or people to pay for her every time. She got very angry when she found out her sisters had secretly met for lunch with their mother out, while excluding her. She said she knew it was about not having money,she said she was angry at them and they were nasty doing so. I didnt think they were mean, because who wants to have to pay for someone every time?. She has a job but has misguided priorities as to how she spends her money on a house she cant afford and on her 10 animals she has trouble looking after. Yet she buys more of them?. I just really got sick of the sponging and self absorbed garble about her big dreams that come to nothing over and over. Then she would cut me off when shes had enough of a conversation, saying she is busy. I felt like I was taken advantage of over time, it took me a while to work it out really. Some people are users, but they do it in a very discreet way, they think no one notices?.
I was sad at first when I just cut her off,I told her I was very busy with my family and I didnt want to be bothered.She has accepted it and I have heard nothing which is great. Its true you do feel sad, even when its a bad thing in the end, but you do start to get over it. I think that life is better to have only a couple of good friends, than 10 bad ones, you dread. I have learnt a toxic friend doesnt have to be totally out there, they can be poisen behind the scenes, like a wart on your big toe you have rid yourself of.

PATRICIA MARINELLI

I had to fire a controlling friend. She kept insisting that I go to her chiropractor and her church. Her chiropractor and her church were the answer to all of my problems. Lol. She didn’t seem to understand that I had bone spurs on my shoulders and I needed surgery. She was convinced that I just had inflammation. She’s not a doctor. She scolded me when I would not go to her chiropractor because I had to pack bease I was going on vacation the next day. Her chiropractor wasn’t even on my insurance plan. Then when she found out that I had surgery for bone spurs on my right arm, she wanted to take me to her church to heal me of my bone spurs on the other shoulder. Lol. She also told me that I didn’t need hemorrhoid surgery. She was trying to get me to go to her church for an event that was going on Friday thru Sunday. I just said yes to get her off my back. I didn’t want for her to manipulate me. I just blocked her every possible way. I am thru with her and hearing how curses are real. Oh well.